A dark gloomy life or just a day?

Today is one of those reflecting moments. No matter how hard we try, we can't just be happy all the time. Speaking of which, I was wondering when I was happy for real. Maybe I wasn't wholeheartedly happy in the past many years. I laughed, I shared nice moments with friends but even ad-mist the partying crowd, one voice was always reminding me, no...actually questioning, if this is the utmost happiness that one can get?

Being happy and laughing are not synonymous. I laugh when I hear a joke, I also laugh when I'm in pain but have to keep it a secret. Maybe that's why people want their childhood back. A life without questions, needing no answers and posing nothing. They don't pretend. They cry when they want and rejoice when they are happy.

The most clichéd question 'purpose of life' has entered into my life when I was in high school. It's like turning into vampires. Once this question sets in, there's nothing one can do. Day after day it pops up into mind. Just have to adjust ourselves to that, it doesn't go away, ever. Stuck with it forever. Some days we find or we think we have found the answer. On a temporary basis, it rocks our world and brightens our life. Whole life seems a festival then. And then one day the 'question' presents itself again till we feel unsure of the answer. The whole world collapses again. Is this what life is or am I abnormal? Will this ever go?