Narcissistic frienemies!!!

Recently, I had a bad experience with a person, who was my friend. Almost with everyone, her relationship is the narcissus-echo kind of relationship. It's all about her. She'll won't let you talk about yourself or your plans or your life. She'll mask your story with hers. It's only her vacation, her boyfriend, her marriage, her rich family, how great she is...

Yet, I thought like everyone else and stayed friends with her. I defended her through her fights with random people, lost some of my good friends in the process, let her pass my ideas as her own, lent her my stuff, did some chores for her... Despite my feeling that this relationship is getting too much for me, I tried to be a good friend. Then there came something which involved financial deals and I made the mistake of trusting her and her judgement. It's after I lost about half my money, that I learned that the deal wasn't well thought of. That was a blow to me, losing that much. All my attempts to save that money were last minute and nothing worked out. I finally called it off in an attempt to at least save what is left. I have at least managed to minimize losses if not invest in a smart deal. I was angry at this friend for making a bad choice on my behalf but more, I was angry with myself for trusting her.
                                      

The unexpected, she broke up with me saying that she trusted me to stay, and she's losing her money because of me now and how terrible and not trustworthy I am, that she never ever wants to talk to me or look at me again, much less care about me. All the times, it was I who ended up doing random stuff for her, I was always the echo. If anyone had the right to break this relationship, then I had. But yeah, thinking over it, I think it was good for me. The day I walked away from her, I lost trust in people. But my life continued. I made new friends, who are nicer to me, who believe in mutual responsibility for a relationship, who don't trample  you with "their life" and who actually are friends with you because they want to be, not because they have gains from it. Looking back, actually I think this whole drama happened for my best.  Personally, I would never breakup with any friend because it's hard for me, how worst the other person maybe. This relationship was already toxic and I had to get out of it. Yet I was thinking about her and her needs so much and was being too considerate, that I forgot to take care of myself. And then the deal came along. Even though I lost quite a lot in the process that time, I'm glad now that I have one less friend who is fake. 

Life, Wazzup wid ya?

 Well, It's almost an year since I posted anything. But yeah, I'm still here. If you happened to read my previous posts, you would know that I was stuck in a job, trying to get out of it and do something meaningful. I did it. I have quit my job and started on a journey which has the potential to take me where I wanted to go.

 For this I had to leave my comfort zone and venture into new horizons. Truth be told, it was scary. Even now I have doubts for future and sometimes, when my day is going bad, I feel that I shouldn't have left the safety net of that job. But the very moment I know that if i hadn't done that, I would've experienced nothing in my life. It wasn't until I left my comfort zone and started living on my own and by myself with least support from others, I came to know so much about people and also myself. I had doubts, self-doubts and distorted view of my ability, both in superior ways and inferior ways. I was sure I could do a lot of stuff and couldn't/won't do a lot other. Some proved to be right. A lot proved to be wrong.

 For example, I had idols I revered. They are the most intelligent, never-do-wrong, godly species in my life. This is where I was wrong. When you deify people, you are biased about everything they do. You don't question them, instead you carry out their advice as an order. It wasn't until I spent some time with these role models, I realized  that they are also normal people, who took better decisions with their previous experience, whose advice may or may not be good for your situation. You have to grow your spine and start taking decisions based on their advice and learn how to take better decisions rather than relying on them all the time. 

 There was a point where I thought I was antisocial if not asocial. Once I had to meet and share spaces with other people, I realized I wasn't. I just take some time to get used to people and depending on the compatibility levels, we socialize. I thought I was one of those elite people who can conjure up magical results of anything in the first go, but unfortunately, I am not. I still struggle with completing my work and getting results sometimes. Some days suck and some days can't be anymore better. I am better than some people at somethings and lack everything at some other things in which they are good at.  Here I go, I am as normal as any other person is and as abnormal as any other person is.